Admitting you feel like killing yourself is terrifying. And, it can make you feel painfully guilty; “what about all the people who care about you?” your mind might say.
The truth is that suicidal urges are a natural reaction to a very difficult set of circumstances. And, whilst it can help knowing that wanting to kill yourself is natural, it probably isn’t enough to stop you from seeing it through. So, what do you do?
I can’t stop you killing yourself, but I can help you find hope…and that is not nothing…
When I decided to write this post for you, I knew that it would be challenging. “How could I write something to stop you from killing yourself?” I don’t know you. I don’t know your circumstances. At yet, I also think it is important to write about what to do when you feel suicidal.
This article is not about the usual advice. I’m not going to say, go and see your Doctor or go to the hospital. You know this already right?
People have told me before they’re afraid that if they go and see a medical professional, they’ll be sectioned or forced to take medication. These fears can put many people off getting help.
I’m trying to imagine this happening to me…feeling so terrified that the only option left for me is to kill myself. I’d feel like I was losing control. And then, I imagine going to see a medic where I risk surrendering more control. When I think about that, I get it. I get how scary it can be to reach out to professionals when you feel suicidal.
When people have told me they feel suicidal, I’ve tried to listen. This is important. The last thing you need when you tell someone this painful truth is for them to overreact. You need calm, patience, understanding and, maybe, some guidance. I think that is what I would need.
When I’ve listened, tried to empathise and when I’ve tried to connect with people, they’ve thanked me. They’ve told me how much they appreciate it.
These experiences have taught me something valuable. No matter how helpless or hopeless a person feels, they still need to have some control. If I take that away from them, then it doesn’t help them to work through what they’re feeling.
Now, I realise whilst you’re reading this, I can’t listen to you. And that limits my ability to help you here and now. But there is something else I can do. I can help you understand your own suicidal thoughts. I can help you validate these urges. And, I can help you connect with some other parts of yourself so you can sow some seeds of hope within yourself. And, that is not nothing.
You may hate hearing it, but feeling suicidal can be a natural reaction
You may hate it, but feeling suicidal is a natural reaction to a difficult set of circumstances. It is your mind’s way of trying to fix a problem. And, suicide offers an escape from your inner turmoil.
People take their own lives for different reasons. And these reasons are complex. You may be feeling lonely, ashamed or chronically stressed. It might look like you can’t cope any more, people don’t care, that you’re on your own or that you can’t imagine living with the shame.
Shit happens. And, a lot of shit can happen. You’ve probably suffered a great deal. Relationships have broken down, jobs have been lost, you’re in debt or people have died. The urge to kill yourself hasn’t come from nowhere.
And, I bet you’ve tried to make the best of the situation. I bet you’ve tried lots of things to help you feel better. If you’re feeling suicidal, it is because none of these solutions have worked.
Nearly 7000 people kill themselves every year in the UK. More men kill themselves than women. And those in poverty with little opportunity to change their situation are more likely to kill themselves. Suicide is a problem of inequality. Society’s social and economic problems are an important factor we shouldn’t ignore.
There is a lot we don’t know about how to stop people from killing themselves, but there are some things we do know. We know how to work out your level of risk. For example, many people think about killing themselves and don’t go through with it. So, if you’re just having suicidal thoughts like “I wish I was dead” or “I can’t go on”, then this is less risky than when you’ve made a plan.
This is how professionals assess risk of suicide. They ask if:
- You’ve made plans
- If you’ve tried before
- If you’ve bought anything to assist you in taking your own life.
The further along your plans, the more danger there is. But apart from working out how close you are to killing yourself, what else is there?
Who is to blame? Feeling suicidal is not your fault
Can I ask you a question?
When I said earlier that society is to blame for feeling suicidal, what did you feel? Did you believe me?
Sometimes it is hard to blame society. You might think “well other people are dealing with it, why can’t I?”. Well, they might be dealing with it fine for now, but we don’t know if that will change. Everyone has a breaking point. That point where you feel you can’t go on.
There are many things about society that are stacked up against you. People who are rich and powerful have more opportunity. They had a well-funded education that meant they could get better paid jobs. They don’t have to struggle with doing more than one job just to make ends meet. They don’t suffer the effect of low wages or pay-freezes.
Governments that choose to neglect funding public services are leaving you to your own devices. They aren’t taking responsibility for financial crises that led to higher levels of national debt. After all, it was the failure to regulate banking practices that led to people getting into debt. Societies that have bigger gaps between the rich and the poor, are also societies that have bigger public health problems. You’re more likely to suffer emotionally and psychologically when you see that society isn’t fair.
Getting Angry can help…it can really help
Let’s pause for a moment…
What are you noticing? Are you feeling anything? Do you feel angry?
I feel angry. It’s not right and it’s not fair. I don’t want to sound like a child complaining, but it really is a big cause of your suffering.
I’m going to ask you to do something else for yourself. I’m going to ask you to think about what else makes you angry.
I want to ask you to look back at what has happened in your life recently and in the months and years gone by. And, the reason I’m asking you to do this is that I think it can help. You see, although you might not want to feel angry right now, it can help you to feel less suicidal.
So, if you’re willing, please let your mind go back to things that have happened in your life that you feel angry about. Think about what people have said to you. Think about what people have done. Or what people have failed to do. And, think about stuff that just happened that wasn’t anyone’s fault specifically. Will you do this? Will you write it down?
Once you’ve done that, please read on.
Anger tells you what is important
There is a purpose to your anger. Anger tells you what is important. You feel it when your expectations are not met. For example, when:
- People don’t do what you think they should do
- You don’t get what you feel you deserve
- You don’t get what you need from people or the world
- When people cross a line
And, just because you didn’t shout or fight back, doesn’t mean you weren’t or aren’t angry.
Anger is a feeling, not an action. Acting aggressively or standing up for yourself is not anger. That is what you can do when you feel angry. Other ways of dealing anger might be to keep it inside. You might freeze, because you’re also scared.
Well done for getting this far
I’d like to compliment you on reading this far. You’re doing really well. Getting into your feelings of anger and wanting to kill yourself is frightening. And, yet here you are…acting bravely by opening yourself up to these painful memories. Well done!
You felt pride once
Ok…I don’t know that. But, I’m hoping you felt proud once. Even if it was just for a moment. Probably, at least once, you felt some pride for a moment. When was that? Where were you? What happened?
Again, if you’re willing, will you think about that here and now?
You were willing to think about what has made you angry. Are you now willing to remind yourself of when you felt proud?
You may have some hesitation. This is natural, because reminding yourself of when you’ve felt proud is also scary. Because, when you do this, you also open yourself up to remembering what you’ve lost. You open-up to feeling sad or feelings of hurt. And these can be painful.
Just like anger, sadness and hurt also have a purpose. You feel sadness when you connect with what you’ve lost or never had. You feel hurt when you look underneath your anger. Hurt reminds you of your humanity and your vulnerability. Often, you try to hide this from people in case they hurt you again. Its protective.
But, something negative happens when you bury these feelings. You get numb. This is what depression is all about…numbing out from your pain. And depression is what usually shows up before you feel suicidal.
Burying your sadness and your hurt is natural. It hurts right. And, it means you don’t have to feel it so closely. But, what if I told you that your sadness and your hurt is something to be proud of? What would you think?
What you find most painful is just one side of the coin. On the other side is what you care about most deeply. When I think about when I’ve felt deeply sad and hurt, it has been when I’ve been rejected by people I loved and I admired. I wanted so much to be close to them and they rejected me.
It hurts to think about it. And, yet it also tells me what is deeply important to me. It tells me that having a companion is what I want in my life. I want to be connected and to have someone I can share everything with. My painful memories are a clue to what I want and what I need to focus on to make my life better.
So, where is your pain located? What memories show up for you when you think about your sadness and your hurt?
And, what do these memories tell you about what is most important to you?
I’ll be honest with you again. Just because you value something or want to be close to someone, doesn’t mean you can. You can’t go back in time and do something different. You may have to let go of what has been and gone. And, yes, that is incredibly painful.
And, yet, that isn’t hopeless. Because, you can do something else. You can start to move in the direction of what you want. One small step is all you need to take. One small step today. And then one small step tomorrow.
What do you care about the most in life?
I don’t know what you identified as being important. It might be something like family, caring, love, ambition, success, achievement or trust. Whatever it is, try to step over your fears about doing something in this part of your life. Try to step over what scares you and do one small thing in that direction.
Depending on what you value, you might do the following:
- Family – Phone up someone you’ve not spoken to in a while
- Caring – Do something small for someone like make them a meal. Think about what they might appreciate and do that for them
- Love – Give someone you care about a hug or tell them you love them
- Ambition – Do something outside your comfort zone at work or learn something you’ve been too afraid to do before
- Achievement – Write a plan to get something done. Write down what you’ll do and when you’ll do it
- Trust – Share something with someone, something you’ve kept to yourself.
Try to be brave by doing one small thing today. And, try to be brave by doing something small tomorrow. Keep going. Keep putting one foot in front of the other in the direction of what you care about.
Six Steps that may make you want to stay alive
This won’t make the urge to kill yourself go away. But what you’ll do is focus your attention on what you care about. So, when you’re feeling overwhelmed, remember the following steps:
- Tell yourself that feeling like you want to kill yourself is natural. Say it gently and say it kindly like you would to a friend.
- Remind yourself that a lot has happened in your life that was not your fault. Life isn’t fair and neither is the world around you. Society lets people down.
- Seek out your anger by remembering things that have happened. Write down what people have said or done that has made you angry. Write down things that just happened that were no one’s fault and made you angry.
- Remember when you felt proud about something you did. It can be anything. Maybe it was something you did for someone you care about or barely know. Maybe it was something you did at work or at school. Remember feeling proud.
- Remember what has made you sad and has hurt you. Make some space for these painful memories instead of burying them. And, use those feelings to clarify what you care about most. These feelings tell you what kind of life you want to have.
- Do one small thing today that moves your feet in the direction of what you care about. Be brave and step over your fears. Do one small thing today and do something else tomorrow.
I really hope you’ve found this article of help. Please do leave your comments below and share with anyone you think would benefit.
If you want someone to talk to, I highly recommend Samaritans. In my opinion, they are one of the most important organisations on the planet. If you need to talk, give them a call. And, to work with a therapist you can get in touch with us. We’ll see you in-person here in Birmingham or online using a secure and simple video-hook-up.
Take care.
good work Jim
I love the way you leverage upset and distress to link back to values
Hi Jim
Very good article, well done on writing on a hard topic in such a conversational way. I managed to step back from the illusion of suicide a few months back, by realising that it wasn’t the reality. The key for me was getting help (working with Niki Trenchard) and the steps you highlight above on not pushing or hiding emotions, but trying to look at them. Very hard and painful but makes such a difference. For me hearing that depression and suicide are part of natural processes and related to the evolution of the brain is oddly reassuring.
Chris
Wow. Powerful article. It made me quite choked; recalling past pain, and thinking of the desperate situations others may be in right now. It felt like having to really look hard at some difficult emotions, and also then seeing how connecting with anger, hurt and even pride do link with what’s important, and the hope that things can be different again.
Interesting and helpful article. The root of our suffering mainly lies in our society.
Hi Manoug,
Thanks for your comments. I agree, society contributes to the level of suffering. And, there are other important contributors i.e. the problems of the human mind. No matter how smart or rich, how loved or supported you are, people will always suffer. Understanding how language helps you and hinders you is a useful way of understanding and taking care of your own emotional well-being.
Beautifully written words. To be able take such a difficult topic and make it into a real conversation was brilliant. Thank you so much
Good and helpful except for the focus/blame on society. That sort of blows this article since most of my depressed patients are not victims of any system. They are hardworking, self sufficient upper or mid-upper class. Who do you recommend they blame?
Hi Patti,
Thank you for your comments. I take your point. The purpose of discussing blame is not to say that everything is the fault of ‘society’, but to provide a vehicle for identifying factors outside a person’s control. I’m sure your clients are hard-working, just like those that are born in to much poorer contexts with fewer opportunities. And, yet most people are exposed to events that harm or hurt them. Connecting with the anger in these varying circumstances can be a useful direction to go. Hope that is helpful.
Yea well as a person who has to ride the bus ~15 hours a week. Thats 2 months out of the past 10 years. Because I cannot afford any other means of transportation I feel very powerless. And When I see hundreds of cars flying by the bus stop when im standing in the rain and they have 1 person in a 4-7 person vehicle it hurts. I see someone in a $250,000 car and know thats more than I made in the last decade. It hurts. So the society thing hits home for a lot of people. Poor people cannot afford to see a therapist. And unlike wealthy strata seeing someone like that is not a status symbol. I don’t think the offer intended blame to be placed on anyone but for people to see the value within themselves and to reflect upon what made life worth living in the past in hopes to rekindle that sense of purpose..
Helpful.
Hi Jim.. thanks for writing this article, to be brutally honest it saved my life last night.. I was ready to accept the worst and I stumbled across your work whilst searching for advice I would have probably regretted if I had attempted to follow it. Thank you for helping me save my life.
Hi Shaun…its powerful hearing your words. Not only hearing its impact, but the fact that you were willing to share your experiences with me. Thank you for doing that. I do wish you all the very best going forwards. If I can be of any assistance, get in touch by filling in a contact form. Take care of yourself. Jim
Thank you for this life saver just now ..my family and friends think im happy wen im really dying inside just now ..i donr knw wot il do but t least you have made me thi k about my life just now .so thank you
I’m just like you. I put on the happy face for family and the outside world, but I’m an utter wreck and so hopeless inside. I don’t know about you, but I try to hide it because I know people get sick of hearing about it or they don’t really understand. Anyway, I just want you to know you’re not alone. Stay strong.
This is well written, gentle, yet bravely addresses what is most often happening in suicidal thinking. Thankyou for such thoughtful work.
I always look up things on the internet when I feel this way. I know I will not go threw with it because the will to live is more powerful then the will to die, but I have had numerous plans and ways to execute them,
the internet lets me read articles that in a sense calms me down and keeps me from thinking crazy! I’m glad I stumbled upon this I’m definitely saving in my phone for next tine thank you!!!!!
I too find myself engaging on articles to try see how others cope with the way I feel. Unfortunatley there words, as I read on I seem to forget about what has been said and end up lost in the mind as reading on makes me think harder about the situation I find myself in. I have had constant help and support but look upon websites like this as sometimes that little thing your looking for is within, you just have to find it. Too all struggling, I hope you get through and find comfort and end up living a happy loving life. God bless.
Thank you for caring. I dont have any family to go to for help. I hit rock bottom a while back and cant seem to move forward. I use to be the most happy positive uplifting hard working loving individual. But due to one thing after another. I am now so depressed its disabling. I have the hardest time falling asleep and cant stay asleep. And when it comes time to get out of bed. I have the hardest time doing it. It takes everything i got to get up and moving. I am in emotional pain and physical pain and i cant think or focus from the depression. My life has fallen completely apart. I have no insurance and no money to get help. The only reason i have not offed my self is because of my children. They love me so much. But i have hit a point to where I fill like they are better off without me. I just dont see a way out of this. If my children are better off without me. Is it really so bad to throw the towl in?
Hi there…thanks for posting here. I’m so sorry to hear of your pain, and your struggle. It sounds really tough waking and getting up to face the day. You’re doing really well to do that. And, your interest in posting here says something about what you’re prepared to do as well. I can hear that you feel on your own. I am so very glad that you have children who care about you and love you. Even though your mind throws up thoughts that it would be better off for them, if you weren’t here, having taken your own life. I wonder if they would see it that way? Having met people who have lost a parent to suicide, I suspect they would say they are better off with you in their lives.
Isolation, whilst understandable, it is likely to be making things worse. I know its not easy to connect, but it may be the thing that can help. You’ve probably thought of that already, but the difficulty, I think, can be finding the motivation and commitment. We have a short online course on the website, which is aimed at helping you focus on something enriching…connection, being one of the things, because when you’re feeling so low, you really need that psychological nourishment. Take a look, see what you think. If I can be of any further assistance, feel free to get in touch in private…just click here
Hi Jim, thank you for all the work you have done. It helps me remember that I still can continue my life. Trying to find someone to talk to right now. If I live in UK i contact the samaritans. I’m trying to trust my country health care system in mental health right now because I am thinking it. The perceptions of people like us still negative.
A really useful aricle Jim and great its already helped others. I will share it with others.
Thank you for writing this. It really helped me today.
First, I want to mention that I believe you to be a genuinely wonderful person. I can feel your compassion in your words. And you are bang on correct, I have to admit.
Here is the thing though, just to be real about it from my own experiences.
For some people, myself included, it really and seriously just continues to get worse and worse.
This living nightmare for me has gone on for years. Literally, years and years. Each and every time, without question, that I try to change this situation (as you had mentioned), the horror is just amped up even further.
I won’t go too overboard here, but I will use a recent example. And remember, this is 100% typical. This is my entire life and it is constant.
I reached out, finally, for help with Depression last July. It resulted in Child Protection taking my 2 children.
Strike 1.
I got them back in September, only to find that come October, the same agency also applied against my child benefits. Crucial money that our lives literally depend on. I discover on October 20th that I had less than $2.00 in my bank account.
Strike 2.
The poverty resulted in a 2nd apprehension of the children in November when I totally lost my mind. From Oct 20 to Nov 8, the following also occurred:
*The muffler fell off of my vehicle for no discernible reason.
*The kids had 2 lunch order forms due, 2 field trips that required money, and magically, all my daughters pants suddenly no longer fit.
*I toggle between my washer being plugged in and my deep freezer (only 1 outlet). I was under such a degree of stress, I forgot to replace the freezer plug. All of our food in the deep freezer was gone.
*I live in a horrible small town that has literally nothing. No public transport, no food bank, no compassion. I also have no friends, no help, no support. No child support either before anyone asks.
*The school Principal called the Children’s Aid ultimately, the same Principal who had promised to support us through this storm, is the same one who called CAS. Because I had no means to feed them “healthily” enough.
*I came thisclose to losing my home.
*Kids returned December 28th via the judge. Yes, this was my first Christmas spent in complete solitude. I had nobody. No kids. Not even a phone call that day.
*At one point throughout this ordeal, I called a Crisis Line. They in turn called the police, who in turn locked me up in a hospital for 24 hours. Never again will I call a Crisis Line.
*Since the kids being home since December, there has been virtually no money. I have made it mostly because I learned how to shoplift. Yep.
Strike 3.
I decided to try and get myself back up off of my knees, yet again, for the millionth time in the last little while. I am a Writer. It is the one thing that I can do exceptionally well. Being that I am extremely anti-social, Introverted, Depressed, etc. Also single parent in the middle of nowhere. I am not able to work. Period. That being said, I am desperate to make this better.
Brace yourself if anyone is about to call my bluff here.
One night, I made the decision to start writing again the next morning. I woke up to having a numbness in my fingers on my left hand. Turns out, it is nerve damage. It has persisted for weeks now, continuing as I type this. I cannot zip a zipper right now, to shed light on how ridiculous it actually is. So, I took it slow, as I am now, with many breaks in between words.
Next up, go to crank up the computer.
It barely runs. Barely. This computer, just to get to this page, took over 10 minutes, for example. It worked fine before. I have done every possible thing to try and fix the issue yet it still persists. Whatever. Slow it shall be then.
I get to working on creating my Website on WordPress, which I find to be bloody impossible. Yet, on I trek. Only to find, after hours upon hours of work, an out of nowhere “Internal Server Error” occurred. The site is done. It does not work at all. And I am officially over it.
Yes, I am fully aware of all of my areas of blame to date, no need to remind me and no need to focus on the “why it happened” at this point rather than “what is the solution.” Every time that I try to share even a fragment of my story, a wild chorus of “why didn’t you do….” rings out. I quickly delete my posts as a result.
I am so sick of it. Sick. Of. It.
I am right now at a total and complete loss. And this is only the last 8 months. If I were to get into my life in it’s entirety? 2 things:
1. It would require a novel the size of an Encyclopedia
2. It is so beyond reason and full of insanity that you wouldn’t believe me anyways
So. What is the point in my sharing this?
My point is that in some cases, perhaps it is unfair to try to “prevent” suicide and rather, focus on offering those who live lives that truly are without any form of hope or relief, at least the choice to end their nightmares with dignity.
Suicide is messy, and it is traumatic for the people who discover the aftermath.
After my experiences, and they are beyond reasonable (my own best friend told me that my life is literally so terrible, constantly, that she would actually understand if I ended things. She would just be sad but at the same time, relieved knowing that it is over for me and the pain has stopped….let that sink in.)
All of this yet somehow I have managed to avoid addiction. Amazing really.
I am at the point now where I have come to accept that this life, for people like myself, is just not tangible. Pointless? Yes, it really is.
I have been considering the options regarding the kids because quite frankly, I feel it very selfish to force them to grow up with nothing because I am, plain and simple, a total train wreck and a failure.
No, there is no family back up or anything like that. Mom died when I was a kid, yadda yadda whatever. This is not an option, just a heads up. I cannot just get a loan from the high-interest scam banks, my credit is actually that bad now that I do not qualify.
There is just no solution. I don’t have any more years to sink. The kids definitely don’t either.
I know that it would be hard on the kids. But I am struggling to justify their terrible, hopeless futures so long as I keep them in this garbage life.
Suicide is not selfish. I assure you all of that.
Why am I posting this all here? Well really, why not I guess. I just want to really drive home the flip side of the coin.
Some people, not only do they try? They literally crawl up from the pits of Hell itself, only to be pushed further down than they were before.
To my understanding, Hell has what, 9 layers or so? Just kidding. I don’t believe in that junk regardless.
If we have no interest whatsoever in creating an inclusive, compassionate, at least reasonably level playing field in Society, we also have no business constantly trying to talk people out of taking care of what their environment is slowly doing anyways.
I have begged and pleaded for help. Many times. I have posted online, I have made calls, I have invested a shameful amount of time into “self-development” and “positive thinking”.
Oh and here is the cherry on top: I am a big time Empath. Not just “empathetic.” No. I can actually “feel” the pain and sorrow of other people. To a degree that I can become physically ill.
Are we still going to justify my existence?
Y’know that saying “Suicide is a final solution to a temporary problem”? What if in some cases, the problem isn’t exactly “temporary” but rather it is life-long?
Food for thought I suppose.
Anyways, thank you for reading my “vent” if you will. I am just very sad right now. All the time anymore and always.
I really just had hoped to be a Writer, maybe inspire others, help others, who knows. This too seems to be yet another dead end. I don’t tend to talk about “how to be a Mommy Blogger” after all. Nobody truly has much interest in what I have to say it seems. But, I digress.
I hope that someday, Canada will allow Euthanasia for those like me. I do not have a plan right now as I still have the kids here and I am not an irresponsible jerk (contrary to what most must believe of course thanks to Children’s Aid). I am just speaking from the perspective of someone who has heard it all, tried it all, failed at it all, and each time they try to get back up, they get beat down even harder.
I don’t feel sorry for myself. I feel sorry for the state of humanity, that so many people live this way and feel this way…..and absolutely nobody cares.
I wish you all the best. Take care.
OMG, I feel so sorry for you. I came to this website because I was about to end it all here, but I stumbled across this website. My parents abuse me, tell me I won’t amount to anything and they beat me, torture me and bully me because of what I look like. Your not alone, there is a whole community like us. I hope you get through your struggle.
Your honesty inspires me. I feel all your pain. I know your struggle and i thank you for telling what you could here. Im not alone. Im here if u wanna talk ever. Trenchtownrock1@gmail.com i hope u get this
Sincerely, lisa
Amber, I’m in New York … I always thought Canada had good social services! I guess not! I REALLY think you should write that long novel, about your life, from the very beginning. Call it “My Sucky Life”. It will be a modern, truthful “Book of Job”. When things are that awful you’ll find that once in a while, when writing about them, some humor invariably will come through, which will make your book actually a little entertaining. And dig down and be honest (this will hurt) about bad or wrong decisions that caused you to be in this predicament, so that the book is an educational and cautionary tale! And go ahead and shame all the hideous people you’ve come across!!! My situation is that I’ve worked SO HARD my whole life! And I’ve been the kindest, most supportive, and kind friend, wife, mother … endured horrible things … yet to have my life where it is today … is SUCH a massive disappointment! It’s just so awful: the poor financial situation, all the “friends” who are actually sharp elbowed people who trample right over me to take anything I manage to achieve in my life, and begrudge me the very few and far between short lived joys I might experience (they’re ankle biting, conniving, devious bitches), and if you show up not dressed in the most expensive elegant designer clothes with perfect handbags and shoes, and skinny, with your head held high, they flick you away like you’re a mosquito! After so much suffering, and blood, sweat and tears, hard work, delaying of gratification, overcoming so much, to find myself with no real friends (I think I do actually have 2 friends in the world), to be totally unappreciated and instead totally abused and, I think I’m actually despised, and to have no type of financial reward at the end is so devastating and disheartening … God! I’m just at a point where it appears that nearly all people are greedy, trampling, heartless users and abusers! They say social connectivity is one of the cornerstones for a long, healthy, happy life, but I’m ready to become a hermit!
Thank you for this article. I’ve always struggled with depression, but four months ago some personal issues came up and caused me to spiral out of control. I will never commit suicide, but the thought of it crosses my mind on a daily basis and it’s so scary. This article made me feel not so alone and not so crazy. Thanks.
“it can help knowing that wanting to kill yourself is natural,”
No, it isnt.
Not one comment from person who disagrees with you? I find that very hard to believe. Your advice is unethical and dangerous to those who really need help. Shame on you.
What?? Really?
Sounds like it’s been rough for you.
Gotta be honest, I used to have it all until the meltdown in 2009, great business, great home, lovely wife and kids. I was and still am, a kind and generous person, Willing to help anyone I could, even if it meant putting myself in jeopardy. Then the dominoes started toppling. Life is like that, or has been for me. Once the first one goes, the rest will follow suit for sure. I thought I’d got in front of the topple and stopped it, I’ve picked myself up so many times in the last 9 years, reinvented myself and career, guess what the crap still keeps falling. I’m not whining about life not being fair but I agree that at times it seems like you can’t catch a break and someone really has it in for you.
Yes I feel like ending it all, every day. Every day I get up and hope today will be the day that it turns around, and guess what’s some days I get traction and it looks like things are getting better, and “bang” a few days later it goes to hell again. It seems like if there is a God he’s just playing with me. I’m well intentioned and still a kind loving person. But I don’t love me anymore. Work went for a dive this year and my income dropped drastically, I have no retirement plan and I’m 55, My fiancee who said she loved me broke off our engagement because she thinks I’m going to burden her financially because I’m such a loser, I’m still paying the bills but it’s getting harder to see the future. Stupid thing is I keep thinking that if and when I do run out of money I can just kill myself and stop the pain and stress.
i cannot explain my feeling into my words.its just like my head is going to explode.
cant exacly pinpoint my main reason for beeing angry… broke my hand recenty by punching through a window… am at a all time low in my life… rarely smile unless ive been drinking, dont worry im not a alcaholic i dont drink that often… cant afford it, lol even less now cus i cant work with a broken hand… dont know why i am typing this.. guess its cus i dont like yelling and i feal like it right now… im the funny guy in my group…. yet probaby the most depressed one… probably should get help… but i dont bother cus dosent that cost like alot??? i dont know i dont bother checking. i dont even know why im writing this at this page… arent ya all from uk or usa or somthing??? im from iceland and just tiped im thinking about killing myself in google… fu** i hate living… why havent i killd myself yet.. plenty of opertunetyes at work… one of my coworker did so few months back… i probably havent cus i dont want my uncle to be the one to find me… at home i live with my aunt, dont want her to find me dead… guess im lucky?? well i dont feal like it….. fuck life are my thoughts way to often…. i think i sayd it earlyer i broke my hand punching a window.. who even does that, im not a vilant(sorry broken enghlish) person never get in fights never get angry, but few weeks ago i just exploded at some random danish guy who was bugging me messing with my hair, so i went out of the bar i was at and punched the first thing that looked breakable… well guess its fair tha i broke my hand to… cus im to much of a wuss to break my neck and die… fuck life fuck life fuck… prolly wont ever go to this page ever again needed a vent or whatever, finger crossed i wont kill myself
this was helpful, but I’m so immune to how I feel that to start is scary bcz I have no plan & to loose what I have it makes me “to be like this”.I don’t know if it is normal, but I get tired to protect myself bcz what if I loose while I’m busy doing that…
Hi jim ,
The article was very very helpful and stress relieving . It just calmed me down but what if we have already taken steps to improve the relationship improve something but they are just not acknowledged by the other person they are just not responded to ?? Then what do we do ?? Because that person or having a companion matters the most to me . So when i feel i can’t take it no more , ( that person’s ignorance or just less understanding ) i feel angryy i feel like i wanna killl myself i mean its not even a thought , i just wanna do it to stop hurting !! Then what do i do jim ??
Hi Jonah…yes, I think that is hard. You try to communicate something important to some you care about and you don’t get the response you want or need. That is painful.
I can see two options here. One, reflect on the way you are communicating it and ask if you are being open, honest and fair to the best of your ability. I’d recommend chatting to a trusted friend or professional to explore the issue between you.
Two, begin to build new relationships where what you need and want are more easily received. Relationships have to work both ways. It can be very scarey separating from someone and investing more in other relationships. Especially if the feelings you have for that person are strong. But, you need to be kind to yourself too.
I have read your post it’s very informative.I will use these above mentioned info from now.the info given in the blog is really helpful for the readers.Well described about Depression.Keep updating us with such great post.
Thanks! Man.
This is the best hopeful & helpfull information that i have found while am getting through a long period of depression and burnout because of feeling lonely, and routine hard work.
Thanks JIM
Peace & love from Algeria.
I want to kill myself but i am scared of leaving my children alone in this world even though i know they will have a better life without me in it. I thank you for all you have said and i wish all past and present who post can find a way through whatever is going on with your lives. God bless you all
Jim, thank you for the article. I was actually researching how to fit a hose to my exhaust pipe and your article made me think again and I have begun to write things down. I need a break man. Everything has just gone wrong for me. Im trying to stay positive but these demon thoughts about the hopelessness of it all are there fighting to get to the front of my brain. Im trying to push them back with hopeful thoughts but it is a battle. The mornings are the worst. When |I realise I have to face another day. I still feel that I have a lot of good work to do. I just dont have a job. I am getting divorced. I have no money. My eldest son doesnt like me and we were really close. I developed a friendship with a lady but she just dumped me and I cant blame her either. I need a break . Just a chance. Im a qualified teacher, but I cant seem to get a job. I balls up the interviews and I keep doing it. Im smart but I guess I am so nervous and in such a state over everything that I just keep on getting stuff wrong. Im a good guy and just need a chance.
I think you are making the mistanke that inequality matters so much.I am a doctor with a substantial salary,but I am not sure that I will be around too much longer. I work 15 hour days, have a lot of business expenses and pay a lot of tax. I don’t see my children and life is meaningless. I just don’t think life is worth living, I am stressed out of my mind, anxious all the time. So my substantial salary and my top education don’t make my life any better.
Wow! Thank you for writing this article. I am so very happy that I stumbled upon this and read this. You help validate my feelings. This will definitely be a reference for those times when I feel beat down by life.
Sometimes we just need to take that first step and fight our fear of change. I am 62, living in a country (not UK) with people whom I don’t belong. I am so depressed but am afraid of going through the hardship I will encounter when I’ve moved back to the UK. But I know I just must do it or I’ll die of depression. This article has given me that push I needed. Thank you ever so much Jim